Why are you single?


Why are you single?

Back in the day before I had given up on online dating (ha!) I once made a section of an OkCupid profile entitled "Why I'm Single". I do think such a section would be a good addition to most profiles.

Anyway, it's something I think of often. My answer to it in my own mind changes over time, as I change and grow myself.

Some things I would cite as a reason I'm single:

• I don't want kids. (I've seen women in this forum proclaim it would be a huge plus if they knew a guy they were into had a vasectomy, but the #1 dealbreaker in my relationships over the past few years has been that I don't want kids. It really perplexes me that so many women want to have my baby, honestly.)

• I don't make a lot of money. I do OK, but I make less money than most people. The flip side of this is that I'm living the dream and have tons of freedom. (Basically, I work in the arts doing something I love and find very fulfilling and I've never had a "real job" in my adult life.)

• I have a weird schedule. I personally adore this—I have the whole beach to myself at 10am on Tuesday. I have nights free sometimes too. But some people don't like the irregularity/unpredictability.

• I'm not close to my family. Maybe it's all in my mind, but I feel like this is a turn-off to a lot of people, given our culture's pro-biological-family bias. My family unfortunately just hasn't treated me very well and although I love them, I love them from a distance. Integrating them closely in my life isn't sustainable. Sometimes this makes me feel like I don't fit in with other people who are family-oriented. I am a big believer in the "chosen family" concept and I'm lucky to have wonderful friends who make me feel loved and appreciated.

Right now, I'm going through more personal growth than usual, which is beautiful, and also going through some awesome growth in my main career as well as a promising new opportunity that has spring up, so I'm not focused on dating. Still, I contemplate the point at which I'll feel like jumping back into it and what factors make me feel more or less dateable. Maybe the question in itself is bullshit, but I find it an interesting point of self-inquiry.

What things about you do you feel are notable factors in what make you feel more or less dateable? For those of you who are single, why do you think that is?


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