My husband (30/m) and I (28/f) are learning how to live with each other
Hi there Full disclosure: this is my first post after a few responses here and there and several days of lurking. I read the rules but pls let me know if I missed something…
My husband and I are newlyweds (~2 mo) who have not lived with each other full time before marriage (dated 3.5 years). We would spend one day during the week together and then I would stay at his place fri-sun.
I'm a relatively clean person – I'd clean my place once a week and then, when I couldn't stand the feeling of crumbs on my feet anymore, I'd clean my SO's place too. This isn't to say he never cleaned his place, but he doesn't wipe things down as often as I do.
Now we are living together. We both have normal work hours but I travel for about a week almost once a month. My job is pretty busy and can be hectic at times, SO works in an industry that has slowed down a lot recently and will sometimes say that his day was boring, or that he browsed the internet for the afternoon. Most weekdays he will play video games from after dinner until after I'm in bed. Weekends he prefers to stay home or we go visit my parents (they have a pool, lots of animals, keeps us busy)
He cooks, but I clean the apartment, plan our outings, get our things ready before we go somewhere, keep a watchful eye on finances, etc. I'm worried that we are settling into a routine that isn't sustainable – we are looking at buying a house and eventually having kids. The first time I asked him to help clean, it was like pulling teeth. The second time, it was a half-assed effort. Third time, he did it begrudgingly and it made me feel like a real nag. He is not a patient person and can get short circuited quickly if he doesn't want to do something.
I love him and I want to grow old with him but I'm afraid of ending up being his mom instead of his partner and wife.
tl;dr – newlyweds who didn't live together before love together now. Feels like husband is not helping around and I'm worried I'm going to be his mom for the rest of our lives.